i truly dont get how people get engaged without having lived together first
Because statistically speaking, people tend to “end up” living together, rather than choosing to live together. So while marriage should be a difficult, much discussed and much thought out decision, if you live together first, you tend to end up in a marriage as well. Those marriages tend to fail. You start living with someone as a way to “test it out,” as if there is an easy way out for you if it doesn’t work, since you’re just dating. When in reality what happens is, every day it gets harder and harder to leave, even if it isn’t working. So, you started out figuring you’ll move in together, because well, it’s cheaper, and it just sort of happened, and it’s easier, and I mean, you get to try them out, right? And day by day, you share more and more, and even if you realize you’re living with someone you can’t marry, you also realize you have just wasted three years of your life, you’re older than you thought you would be without being married, and you really don’t want to have to deal with the pain of splitting everything up and buying a new couch for yourself…or giving up your shared pets. It becomes harder and harder to leave. So you end up getting married, because well, you’re already living with them, maybe they’ll change when you officially get married. And of course they don’t. And in 6 months, you’re splitting up, because somehow sharing all bank accounts, debts, and family holidays gets slightly more complicated than sharing a rent and a bed. When you agree to marry someone, without living with them, you’ve probably considered the fact that you’re committing the rest of your life to this person, whether or not they’re a good roommate. When you decide to move in with someone under the guise of, “we’ll get married IF we’re good roommates,” perhaps you shouldn’t be marrying this person in the first place. Just something to consider. Also, “statistically speaking” is specifically referencing research presented in The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter - And How to Make the Most of Them Now, I’d highly recommend reading it, whether or not you’re in your twenties. Or just do some serious research in general, before deciding to live with someone, or marry them, or just because behavioral economics is fun.